The George Files

 

This is another installment of the Previous Incarnation Therapy (PIT) material. Look for this material on previousincarnationtherapy.com as well. 

I think I should call these 'The George Files'. George was my last human previous incarnation before the present, and so much of what I go through has precedents in his lifetime. His life as a writer certainly set precedents to mine.

He tried so hard… I try hard.

He sat almost every day next to his desk to try and write and spent the afternoon walking. I tend to do the same when I don't have to work for a living.

But he was unsuccessful. No one has heard of George Browne Junior and with good reason. As a writer he was a complete failure. He was super blocked.

When young it was still ok. He poured his creative energies into his sex life, which verged on the adventurous. He had sexual liaisons all over the place. Sex was in vogue, when George was a young man. Only the other day M said he was worried his sons won't have much sex since women don't 'put out' as much now-a-days (the idea being anathema to M, of course).  This set me thinking that perhaps there are periods when people have more sex and periods when they have less.

The 1960's, we all remember, started a so-called sexual revolution. Women were on the pill and wore mini-skirts. This continued until the mid-80's, let us say, when the Aids revolution set upon us. According to my newly devised theory one's sex life is influenced by larger social developments.

So George had lots of sex in the 1920's and 30's and at least the beginning of this lucky streak had to do with the great exhale in the aftermath of World War I. Everybody, particularly the young men, were delirious about surviving that war. It was an ongoing celebration. Remember The Great Gatsby? One big continuous party.

I remember George standing in a train station in the Lake District. He had lots of friends in that area since he had gone to Leeds university. Anyway, he was on his way to a secret rendezvous with a guy… (Did I mention he was a homosexual? I'm afraid I didn't.) He was a homosexual  when homosexuality was against the law but very much in practice amongst the upper classes.

George was standing in that train station in his three piece suit, aware of his very gentlemanly appearance – for some reason I have this picture in brown and white, like a photo one would have if shot at the time – and thinking that none of the people milling about would be able to discern that he was in fact a great sinner, a sexual deviant. Not that George worried about any of that; to him it was just great fun, to be hiding in plain view this way. He was enjoying being subversive.

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I think public school boys were geared toward subversion generally. Hence my great disregard for J K Rowling's Harry Potter series. I'm allowed to say this, right? I can see the school of magic is lifted from the all-too-real-life public schools. Of course one is entitled to see magic in anything; it's even the healthy thing to do. But in this case the public school system was the bedrock of the British social-political establishment. It was even, in my opinion, the bedrock of British humor. You were separated from your family as a 7-year-old and raised in an all-boy society, where the sane thing to do regarding the older boys' tyranny and the school's general disinclination to hold it down was to pretend you didn't notice, to block out your own feelings, to numb yourself.

You and your friends were riding a big amusement-park-like wave that took you far and away. You weren't in this sad place – no you weren't. It might seem like you were to outsiders but… etc. etc.

So, in a way Rowling got it right. The public school was a terrible place if you were a sensitive young boy, so much so that you had to conjure up a world of magic just to survive it. But that sort of misses the main point, which is what a mature public school boy became after going through the system. And I think the answer is he became a subversive. George certainly did. He became a master of double talk and innuendo. Because you have to devise ways for dealing with life, and pretending it's magic can be not only misleading – it can stop you from real growth. George evolved through subversiveness. That is when he evolved at all.

After that great surge of energy in his twenties and early thirties (which, come to think of it, I've recreated in my present lifetime) George felt his inhibitions blocking him more and more. By his forties the subversiveness just wasn't enough. He needed to reconnect with his feelings and couldn't.

J K Rowling's magic doesn't apply there, doesn't help the adult who had gone through this system as a boy. If he's stymied now because he had had to numb his feelings all those years before, magic cannot help him.

What he needs to do in order to reconnect with the fountain of his own feelings is stay put and breath through the pain, the way you are told to do in the framework of any therapy worth its salt.

Just stay. Don't run off. It's going to be painful but if you go through these painful feelings at least once you'll never have to go through them again. You will be unblocking yourself once and for all.

You'll be more alive, more in contact with who you really are, more creative and hey: sexier!! Try it.

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